Dear Tigerlily: It’s safe to tell your story. Your truth is important…be the Light xoxo
With all this talking on here it’s not easy to spell out what I’ve discovered just like that. I’ve found it hard to put out there but now it’s important to me that I show you some possible answers. Because contrary to my previous belief my struggles aren’t rare and I’m not such an Enigma after all. My story and what’s potentially led me to where I am is unique, just as your life has led you to where you are now…but there are common factors. Below are some of the things I’ve discovered and in further posts I’ll go into them individually. These contributing factors in our lives are huge in my experience and I want to put emphasis on them because as I’ve said in recent posts mental health and physical/chronic issues are endemic in our world and we need to address this because it’s skyrocketing in a ridiculous fashion.
Without further ado and in no particular order these are (the major) things that have contributed to my health and life experience…not things to be taken lightly, they form a true holistic picture:-
- Epigenetics: Yes we’re handed particular genes by our parents (thank you) but our ‘environment’ is far more important than this simplistic (more often than not negative) fact
- Childhood: The way we are treated as children totally forms the way we see ourselves and Our World
- Trauma: Relating to the above generally, this isn’t something that we can write off and pretend it didn’t happen although most people do whether consciously or not AND trauma isn’t always what you think
- Biochemistry: We’re all different which is why there isnt one ‘diet’ or one way of exercising that suits everyone for example
- Thoughts and Beliefs: Yes this is huge and they’re formed in childhood but we can alter them
- Lifestyle: Related to all the others really as how we live impacts massively on our health whether that’s what we eat and drink, whether or not we exercise and how, time spent being creative etc
The question for me is…what comes first? Chicken and Egg issues. Always. Correlation vs Causation.
Does Childhood Trauma lead to epigenetic changes that mean we’re more sensitive to external factors than others or have we been effected by trauma more because we’re born sensitive?
Does having Genetic Predisposition towards mental health issues mean that you will manifest them and can you heal regardless of this vs taking a drug?
Does having a label re. your dis-ease or symptoms help or hinder?
This has been on my mind and I don’t have an answer as such. I like to question, perhaps you’ve noticed. Feel what resonates. For me I Know that my struggles have been exacerbated by how I’ve treated myself in one way or another. I know that if I’d have created a more nourishing world I’d be in a very different place. I’m no victim here and there is no blame, they’re mere facts. I’ve done my best with the knowledge and awareness that I’ve had. We all do. No point feeling guilt about that although I do occasionally before I catch myself. Turns out I’m human after all.
I take responsibility for all of this…in that I’m able to do something about it. Crap genes or not. Painful childhood or not. I can thrive so I’m sorting things. Simple.
If I eat junk I feel like junk. If I think junk I feel like junk. Same same.
Perhaps like me you’ve had a painful childhood (due to your parents own painful childhood, yep) and a lack of awareness about that. Perhaps you don’t realise that this has had a gargantuan effect on you. You just accept it.
Perhaps you just think it’s ok to be unsure of yourself, to feel annoyed by others, to feel like you don’t quite measure up, to feel angry but deny yourself that emotion and feel resentment, to hold huge grudges, to have physical or mental complaints and just take a drug (then another and another as the years go by), to work and work and work in order to feel worthy, to feel like you’re going through the motions in life but never feeling true joy, to feel fear about speaking up for yourself and about our scary world and the people in it in general, to watch tv and go to the pub and gossip and compare yourself to others but never truly live, to eat cake and feel bad about yourself, to feel restricted, to wish you were someone else because you feel inadequate even (or particularly) after touching up your seflies…ad infinitum?
This is an overview but it involves a lot more and in my next post I’ll go into more detail about the ‘diagnosis’ that changed things for me as well as some of the other revelations that help me today.
I’m so happy that I can change things – empowering myself is a huge factor in healing. Feeling like a victim pitifully viewing the ‘all-knowing professionals’ up on their pedestal as our saviors isn’t the answer for me. My intuition serves me and I find the answers that I need when I ask.
I wish the same for you – and that’s a big deal. I want you to question why you are the way that you are. Don’t accept a simple ‘yeah you have xyz, that’s just how it is’. Dig deeper. Yes it can be painful – in fact if it is you know you’ve hit on something when it comes to self exploration.
Know that there are others out there who feel the same. Know that your struggles are telling you something. Know that your body creates symptoms to alert you to an imbalance in whatever way. Please listen. You’re important so don’t ignore what you’re being told.
I know it’s hard sometimes but you are not alone.
Ad Astra, Astraea Sage ❤🌟